Ready, steady, rant!!!

I am not usually one to get wound up, however there are three things that are guaranteed to get me going. Just like a battery toy, push the button and let me go!! I shall take you through them one at a time and you can make your own mind up if I am being highly over dramatic or not.

I do get upset when basic manners go missing. I consider myself to be polite and even a little chivalrous. I will open doors for pretty much every one, stand aside for the elderly, pregnant ladies, prams and wheelchairs and even walk on the road side of the pavement in case a rogue car should jump the curb. For anyone taking notes, I should point out that in certain large cities you should actually walk on the inside of the pavement, it being thought more likely that you will be mugged from a doorway than run over by a car!

I am not perfect by any means and I certainly do not expect the rest of the country to open doors for each other (if they did, who would be left to actually walk through them?) but what I do expect is some common courtesy. If you walk through a door that I am holding open, say thank you. It is not my job, and even if it was, why should you not say thank you? Do we not say please and thank you when asking for something in a shop, when paying in or taking out money in the bank, when buying a ticket for the cinema, bus or train? I am encouraging my children to use the magic words at every opportunity and get cross when they don't. Tragically, I fear I may be in a minority.

The Jones's suddenly felt out of their depth in Oxford Street

I read a blog recently about most and least favourite words. It was a wonderful mixture of the weird and wonderful, offensive and cuddly, cringe making and soothing. I added my thoughts on the subject, was abused for my troubles, I mean honestly, what's wrong with rumpy-pumpy (sorry Amanda!) and I now find myself thinking that maybe I should have included please and thank you. Politeness and courtesy costs nothing, it is free so I implore all the Neanderthals out there, in this day and age of austerity and general gloom embrace that which costs nothing and be nice. You, after all, would be the first to plant a fist in my face if I let a door swing in to yours.

Fun, what do mean you're having fun!?

Another thing that does tend to get me going is other people's problems. I have a sympathetic ear and regularly have it open to listen to friends' woes and can often be found actually trying to offer help and support. However uninvited conversations are just wrong and often totally mis-judged by the narrator. We recently enjoyed a day out at Legoland. Being in the hospitality trade I can have the unfortunate habit of judging people and places with the same standards that I have used throughout my career, a tad unfair perhaps to judge Legoland by Michelin standards, however there are some basic rules that apply across the spectrum. Leave your troubles at home, don't bore the customers and most importantly, don't slag off your employer, however aggrieved or pissed off you may be! We were coming to the end of the day, waiting for one of the many attractions and happened to be at the front of the queue. The rather jolly girl asked if we had had a good day, a reasonable question to which the answer was most definitely yes. I then asked her if she too had had a good day. I was expecting a happy yes in reply. How abso-bloody-lutely stupid and naive of me! What followed was five minutes of her troubles, why Legoland wasn't all it was cracked up to be and, don't ask me how this one came in to the conversation, why she sometimes turned to her partner, whilst in bed, and told him to sit down and get in line!! Why, oh why, did I need to know that, more to the point, why did my children need to know that? Fortunately the children had switched off by this point. I have never wanted a ride to start so badly as I did then, however it wasn't going to because the man at the other end hadn't pushed the button and isn't it always the man's fault! If she hadn't told me she was leaving at the end of the season I might have seriously considered never returning to Legoland!



The last point I shall bang on about is a general state of happiness that seems to be devoid in a number of places. If you can't be arsed to smile at work, I can't be arsed to to be nice, polite, jolly or even, indeed, to return to your place of work and put more money in the tills, thus ensuring your continued employment. Smile or you could become redundant!! Now, there's a slogan for a tee-shirt if ever I saw one. I also get very wound up by cashiers who not only have been born without the happy gene, but the speech one seems to be absent as well. I tend to get very silly when a supermarket cashier expects me to hand over money without telling me how much I owe. I am expected to read the display, give my money and get change and a receipt all without a word passing between us. I will ask them how much I owe, some will tell me but some will either just point at the register display or, if I'm really lucky, grunt that the total is displayed for my viewing pleasure! When I ask what is meant by "every little helps" I only get a blank stare. Clearly sarcasm and irony is also missing from their lives!

All I ask is that people smile and remember (or maybe learn) to be polite. It's not rocket science!

Now that my rant is over, I shall concentrate on the true message of my blog. Food. In all the excitement of the Jubilee I failed to enjoy and appreciate our fleeting Summer properly. Now that Autumn has arrived I feel obliged to share one of my favourite sandwiches in the whole wide world. It warms and fills the tummy as well as being damn good comfort food.

Get the following ready.

Two slices of thick and crusty white bread.

Plenty of sliced cheddar. Don't use grated, it goes everywhere.

Sliced tomatoes.

Beaten eggs with a dash of water or milk, salt and pepper and finely chopped parsley. One egg per sandwich.

Butter and vegetable oil for frying.

Put the sandwich together, layered like this, bread, cheese, ham, tomato, cheese, bread. You don't need to butter the bread.

When the sandwich is assembled, pour the egg mixture into a flat dish or tray. Put the sandwich in and let the bottom slice of bread soak up a good amount. You can either flip the sandwich over or just spoon the rest of the egg mix on the top slice.

Whilst the bread is soaking up the egg, put a pan on a high heat, put some butter and a small amount of oil in to melt and heat up.

With a great deal of care, lift the sandwich from the tray and put in the pan. Let it get hot enough on each side to melt the cheese and go a nice golden brown. When cooked to your liking, pop on a plate, slice in two and serve with a salad for a great lunch or just have a bag of your favourite crisps instead!



I recently made rather a good smoothie which I think would make a healthy addition to the not so healthy (but very tasty) sandwich. The great thing about a smoothie is that there is not hard and fast recipe, just throw in what you have lying around. I used a banana, loads of strawberries and raspberries and a good glug of tropical juice, one with pineapple, mango, orange and passion fruit. The whole lot tasted wonderful and was not too thick, although with more or less banana, you can easily adjust the consistency to one the suits. My personal preference is to stay away from blueberries. I am not keen on them at the best of times, but when they are blended up they somehow manage to make the resulting drink look like one of those bug smoothies celebrities have to consume in the jungle! This also has no points value for Weight Watchers, but manages to fill you up, so the holy grail of diet foods!

I hope you all have a good week and manage to stay dry!